Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
