Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
