Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
