Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
