hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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