so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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