96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
