erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
