everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're like the curious george of whores
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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