seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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