So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
