Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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