He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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