her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
