in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
