dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize