I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I died a long time ago.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
