I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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