I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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