So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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