I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
