I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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