My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
