That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
