I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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