I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
