Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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