I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
