Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
