i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
