i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
