just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Vodka?
Forever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
