I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize