My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
