I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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