My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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