the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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