Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
