go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
