I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Non-Jews are for practice
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
