do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
