I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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