That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize