He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
