just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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