I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
