never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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