you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
