Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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