Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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