I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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