I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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