FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
