I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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