tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think your dad took our porno
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
