My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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