i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
