Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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