Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
