I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize