call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
