After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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