I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
