TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's like iHOP with fire
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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