"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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