I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
