The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
