Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
