I wish my penis had an off switch
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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