yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
