I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
