I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
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Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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