maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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