She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize