I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
